what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
