The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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