omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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