He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
