I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
