So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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