My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
