I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
