There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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