I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
