I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
