kristin has been a bad kristin
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
