the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize