Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it was like eating out sand paper
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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