my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
