Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
