well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize