Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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