he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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