One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
