My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
