Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
