I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
