i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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