why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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