So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
