So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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