I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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