the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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