I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
