you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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