He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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