Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize