Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
