no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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