P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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