i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
