we have officially lost it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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