where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
