my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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