I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
