And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
