She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
