And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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