I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The best revenge is premature balding
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
