dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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