The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize