awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
