Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
