Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
