i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
