i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
