i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
