the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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