i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
