When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
