I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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