just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
