All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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