Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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