Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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