beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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