guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
