I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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