kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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