I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
