Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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