There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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