She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
