i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
