yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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