Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
