remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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