I wish my penis had an off switch
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
