Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Come on in and take your pants off
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