I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize